


smolder

by artificialmeggie (ohmymeggs), multifandomgeek



Series: Behind Closed Doors [10]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Avengers Anthology, M/M, Post Season 11, postbreakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 17:50:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19873639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmymeggs/pseuds/artificialmeggie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifandomgeek/pseuds/multifandomgeek
Summary: When the flames of your love are threatening to become ash, maybe your only choice is to carefully turn them into embers.





	smolder

**Author's Note:**

> I’m just so happy to be a part of this <3

During the show it was a spark. They would light it up here and there when they had time, to keep each other going through challenges, fears, excitement, and sleepless nights. It was small and unknown and they had to be careful about a million things around it so it wouldn’t destroy everything in its path, or die out for lack of care. 

Then it was fire. The cameras gone and the much-desired privacy making them cling onto each other’s bodies and know one another better through touch than they really knew through talk. Even the distance, at first, was only fuel to keep it going high and hot under their skins, keep them burning for each other through phone calls and text messages just as much as they did when their bare skin collided. 

Until it wasn’t enough, and the fire was burning so low that Brooke was afraid it was going to go out completely, that all the love would become ash and leave a bitter taste on his sweet and warm memories. So he put it out himself, carefully so the flames would become ember. That way he would have the love there, never enough to keep him warm anymore, but still alive nonetheless. 

He let Vanessa cry and shout slurs at him because that was fire too. Let the anger turn into fucking and their ragged breathing blow on the cinders of their love to rekindle the flames for just one night. Then, he would put them out, carefully, once again. 

Sometimes he thought that Vanjie still had the fire, but it was hard to tell. Vanessa was often on fire, he couldn’t really tell which was which to identify if there was one that was still his. Not anymore. In any case, his fire could be just as much anger and hurt as it was love, and that he didn’t want to know for sure. The smolder inside of Brooke was 100% love. The sadness was what kept it from becoming fire. 

He could blame the fans on the fact that he couldn’t keep Vanessa out of his mind even when they had been apart for months, but that would’ve been unfair. If anything, the repetition of “we’re friends” only fueled the sadness, and it should have extinguished the warmth already, except it hadn’t. 

It got to a point where he kept caring for the embers like one brushes their teeth in the morning. He was happy, working, seeing the world, dancing, meeting people, sharing his art. Everything was wonderful and better than he could have ever expected. His heart was filled by all of these good things plus that little source of heat he didn’t have to think about unless someone else mentioned it. Unless Vanessa called him. Unless they were on the same gig. Unless he called Vanessa. 

When the new season of All Stars began, it got easier. By the time Season 12 started, people were too busy meddling in other drama and fishing for other T to worry about Branjie anymore. Brooke prayed to all the Gay Gods above and below that there would be another romance on the new season. But maybe it was too much to hope that he could try and get Vanjie back without the world falling apart, no matter how long it had been. 

Because he wanted to try. He had nursed the love for so long he didn’t know what it was like not to love Vanessa anymore. What it was like when one silly smile from him was enough to make Brooke’s day. 

Brooke never believed in soulmates, or true love, or “the one.” But he didn’t need to believe in anything to know he wanted to be by Vanjie’s side all the time. To know that when he said “I love you” it wasn’t just a pleasantry. To decide that it was worth it to prioritize his life around another person this time, that he could do it, not because he was relenting but because, right now, there was no reason not to and a million reasons why he should try. Everything was different. 

He was patient. The beauty of a low heat is that it keeps on going subtly and steadily. It took three weeks after the decision was made for him to see Vanessa in person again. He asked if he could go to his hotel room so they could talk, and Vanjie agreed without hesitation. They hadn’t fought or fucked in so long he probably didn’t even think Brooke was going there to talk about them. 

“You’re the only person I’ve ever loved,” said Brooke. Their shoulders were resting against the headboard of the hotel bed, both half-laying on their side, towards each other. 

“I know,” said Vanessa, taking Brooke’s hand to fidget with his fingers. 

“I never stopped. Loving you, I mean,” Brooke continued, looking intently at Vanessa’s reaction. But he was still looking down. “It’s always there, warming my heart.” 

“What are you saying, Brock?” said Vanessa quietly, looking up like he didn’t dare to be hopeful.

“I’m saying that I still love you. That I still want you. That maybe it would be different now,” it was weird, he should be nervous, his heart pounding and his palms sweaty. But maybe he knew, deep down, this was not the end of his love one way or another. 

“What if I say yes, what will you do then?” said Vanessa. Brooke lifted their joined hands to kiss Vanessa’s knuckles. 

“Nothing,” he said. “I already live in L.A., we already work less, both of us. I would probably think less about calling you every day. Definitely spend a lot more time in your bed.” He smirked, and Vanessa pursed his lips, giving his chest a backhanded smack. “But also in your living room, and your backyard, and your dressing room. I just wanna be with you.” He reached to caress the Latinx’s cheek. “I just wanna kiss you and know it’s love and not lust.”

Vanessa surged forward, kissed him softly. 

“Yes.”

Brooke had thought that if Vanessa ever kissed him like this again, the fire would come back, but it didn’t. It wasn’t a wild burn engulfing the two of them without boundaries or control. No, it was a lulling warmth that spread itself from Brooke’s heart and reached through his entire body to connect with Vanessa’s and settle itself sluggishly, learning the pathways of their veins to pulse there for the long-run.

They knew they missed it, had known forever. They didn’t know, couldn’t know, it would feel this good and this easy to have it back. 

This wasn’t an all-consuming passion anymore. It wasn’t just a relationship anymore. 

Now, it was love. 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, it's over. This is the end of the Behind Closed Doors series. We had a great time putting it together, and we hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for all your kind words. We appreciate them more than we can say!


End file.
